How do I weatherproof my heart?
I asked this question a few weeks ago. My heart was heavy and feeling like I was having a sort of “snow day”.
The question, “How do I weatherproof my heart?”, was asked because my heart seems to be subject to whatever “weather conditions” are surrounding it at the time. I want more consistency. Ultimately, I don’t want to be so moody.
Today as I read, “In a Pit with a Lion …” I got an answer to my question. At least, a partial answer. He talks about changing our perspective which for me, translates to attitude. I’ve always felt that I have control over my attitude even if I do not have control over my circumstances. But some days I don’t even have the desire to hold my attitude in check.
Here are some ideas from the book that give me some thoughts on how to change my attitude.
~Stop asking God to get me out of difficult circumstances and start asking Him what He wants me to get out of those difficult circumstances.
~Prayer is less about changing our circumstances and more about changing our perspective.
~Worship is forgetting about what’s wrong with you and remembering what’s right with God.
~God is in the business of recycling our pain and using it for someone else’s gain.
~The circumstances you complain about become the chains that imprison you. Your focus becomes your reality.
To put it simply … I need to replace my complaining with worship. I am a “glass is half empty” person. I don’t vocalize it so much I don’t think … but my self-talk is usually pretty negative. I need to figure out a way to change this to worship.
I have always known that I am more comfortable being sad or quiet. By keeping myself in a negative space I can perpetuate this. I want to change comfort zones … rather … I need God to change my comfort zone. I know He can do it … if I will start training myself to see from His perspective my heart won’t be so sensitive to the “weather conditions” that surround me.
I heard once that we only continue doing something if there is a payoff. Once there is no payoff … we stop the behavior. A good example comes from when I was married. I was always good at putting someone on a guilt trip. I could say something in just the right tone of voice … and poof … they would feel bad and do what I wanted. My ex-husband didn’t work this way. I might say, “I guess I’m going to go mow the lawn.” The expectation was that I would sound pitiful enough to get the response, “Oh honey, let me do that.” Only, I didn’t get that response. He would say, “Okay.”
It didn’t bother him one bit for me to mow the grass while he watched Nascar. His thinking was that if I didn’t want to do it … then don’t do it. I eventually stopped trying to manipulate him that way … there was no payoff. It was really something I appreciated him teaching me. I learned to be more assertive and ask, “Would you please mow the grass sometime today?” or just do it myself without trying to make him feel guilty.
So what is the payoff to a bad attitude? What is the payoff to pouting and whining? Especially if you live by yourself and there’s no one to really notice … I can’t seem to figure out the payoff on this one. But hopefully by trying to look at what is “right with God” instead of “what’s wrong in my world” I will start to find a payoff with Him that outweighs this pouty one.
A couple of the things you said just jump right out at me! Asking God what He wants me to get out of something instead of just asking Him to get me out! It goes back to that part of me that needs to understand that He’s got this deal..He’s got a plan and He’s in control. I need to think outside of myself long enough to see what He wants me to see. That is so hard when I am hurting! My mantra needs to be “look for the God-things”.
Also, the thought that God will recycle our pain and use it to help others. Haven’t we seen that over and over at the OPEN? It is amazing and faith-building to experience that first-hand. It is refreshing to know that I didn’t suffer from my stupidity just to learn a lesson myself. When I can use my mistakes to help others recover from their own mistakes…or to avoid them altogether…it is a powerful blessing.
Good stuff from the book and from your heart Paige. Thank you for sharing the things that you are learning. It is good for me!
I FOUND A LOT OF COMFORT IN THE THOUGHT OF HIM RECYCLING OUR PAIN. IT REMINDED ME THAT WHEN WE PUT, EVEN THE WORST CIRCUMSTANCES, IN HIS HANDS THEY BECOME USEFUL. I WOULD NEVER HAVE BELIEVED HOW MUCH ALL THAT JUNK WOULD COME BACK TO HELP OTHERS. I NOTICED IT SO MUCH IN AA. IT’S WHAT THE GROUP IS BUILT ON … YOU ARE ABLE TO LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES … FIND COMFORT THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE … AND POSSIBLY SEE A WAY OUT BY FOLLOWING MY TRAIL, JUST AS I FOLLOWED SOMEONE ELSE’S TRAIL OUT OF MY MESS. GOD CAN MAKE EVERYTHING WORTH SOMETHING IF WE JUST LET HIM.
THANKS FOR READING ABOUT WHAT I’M LEARNING. IF I SHARE IT THEN THERE’S A BETTER CHANCE THAT IT WILL STICK.
From my own experience, the payoff for a bad attitude is safety. Bad attitudes keep people at bay. Sarcasm is a shield. If no one can get close, no one can hurt you. Over the long term, I’ve realized that it isn’t safety, but a prison and a very lonely place. I think it’s good to be OK with being alone, but God made us for relationship. That’s my two cents on pouty-whining-ness from where I’ve been in that regard.
I think one of the best things we can do in His kingdom is, while recognizing what is wrong in our world, focusing our thoughts and efforts on what is right. Kind of like with the news. How can we not fret about the state of our world when all we see is so much bad? We become inspired when we hear about good news and see people doing good things. The more good seeds we can plant, the more goodness will grow.
It makes it easier to endure pain if we know it will be used for something greater. Or perhaps, “easier to accept” would be more accurate. Pain is pain . . . it just hurts.
THANKS FOR YOUR 2 CENTS ON THE POUTER’S PAYOFF. I KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT IT BEING SAFER. NO ONE EXPECTS ANYTHING DIFFERENT FROM YOU AND YOU CAN FLY UNDER THE RADAR MOST OF THE TIME. BUT IT IS REALLY LONELY. I JUST BECAME COMFORTABLE WITH LONELINESS TO THE POINT THAT I WAS CONVINCED IT WASN’T SO BAD.
WHAT WE FOCUS ON IS WHAT CONTROLS US. WE HAVE TO MAKE IT MORE POSITIVE. IN THE BOOK HE TALKS ABOUT SEEING ACTUAL LIONS EVERYWHERE ONCE HE STARTED WRITING THE BOOK. HE SAW THEM ON LOGOS, STATUES, T-SHIRTS … HE SAID THEY WERE EVERYWHERE. THEY HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE, BUT HE NOTICED THEM NOW BECAUSE HE WAS SO FOCUSED IN THAT DIRECTION. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DO THAT, CONSISTENTLY, WITH GOD … AND GOOD THINGS.
AND YES, IT IS EASIER TO HANG ON AND ACCEPT THE PAIN WHEN WE KNOW GOD IS DOING SOMETHING BETTER WITH IT.
It really is a privilege…a blessing…to get to benefit from the study/reflection of others who long after God like a fleeing deer pants for the cold, wet mountain stream. This post got my meditative mode going along several lines.
I agree to a point, with the point on prayer. But as I think about the Psalms…it seems to me that it might be better to phrase the point a bit differently. I am not adamant about this at all. But so many of the prayer-psalms really were about asking God to change circumstances. Now…how God chose to answer was his business of course…remembering that He is a loving Father Who has more in mind than the “comfort” of His children. He seeks our highest good…our growth…our becoming useful in His purpose for the world. But when I have been in pressure-packed circumstances that were giving me pain, I couldn’t think in terms of just asking God to change my perspective. I needed a change of circumstance. But surely it is good and right for us to think along the lines of the point the author made. We need to realize that a change of perspective in us may very well be what God is wanting to create in us. And, of course, faith will give Him permission (?) to answer us as He knows best. As I think about the quote…I think maybe I would just add one word at the beginning…”Sometimes prayer is less about changing our circumstances and more about changing our perspective.” How’s that?
And I liked the one about worship…about forgetting what’s wrong with us and remembering what’s right with God. That hits home with me. I get so sick of myself sometimes…my needs, my wants, my failures, my sins, my past, my present, my future…it is so refreshing to get so lost in the wonder, love and praise of our Mighty God that we forget ourselves and think about what’s right with Him…namely, EVERYTHING. But it’s not enough to just generalize and say…”Everything about God is right.” It’s important to try to be observant and specific about God’s richness…to bring specific wonderful qualities He has or gifts He gives into the reason for our praise…because, surely this honors Him…shows Him we are not being lazy about it…that we really are grateful…that we really do want to know Him…honor Him and serve Him…better.
Keep us thinking, Paige.
GOOD POINT DOUG … I LIKE THE “SOMETIMES”.
I LIKE TO TRY AND BE SPECIFIC ABOUT WHAT IS RIGHT WITH GOD. I’LL TRY TO TAKE THE OPPOSITE OF WHATEVER IS WRONG WITH ME AT THE MOMENT AND FIND A PLACE WHERE I’M SHOWN THAT GOD IS THE “RIGHT TO MY WRONG”. WHEN I’M FEELING RESTLESS … I LOOK FOR PROOF THAT HE IS REST … THAT HE PROVIDES REST. WHEN I FEEL I CAN’T TAKE ONE MORE STEP … I FIND THAT HE IS CARRYING ME BETWEEN HIS SHOULDERS. WHEN I FEEL TRAPPED AND SO FAR AWAY FROM HIM … I REMEMBER THAT HE DEVISED A WAY TO GET ME BACK TO HIM … SO MY FEELINGS ARE FALSE.
I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK DOUG … THANKS FOR SHARING.