Stories of Hope
Taken from an episode of Joan of Arcadia:
It has been suggested that we live in one of two states … usually alternating them throughout our lives. The state of consolation or desolation.
Consolation is when your life is flowing, makes sense, you are aware of God. You feel He is present and likes you. He has plans for you.
Desolation is the other thing. When you are scared, alone, out of step … you feel like God has retreated. You’re left with your own thoughts and they are extremely dark.
Consolation: relief, succor, help, support, cheer, to be consoled
Desolation: misery, distress, despair, gloom, sadness, woe, anguish, melancholy, unhappiness, dejection, wretchedness, gloominess.
I have lived in both states.
There are times when I feel consoled by God … by my belief in God. I sense that He has a purpose for me that I can’t mess up. He will have His will done through me … even if I don’t always cooperate.
Then there is desolation. That other thing. The state I seem to be most comfortable in because I keep taking myself back there even if I have to fight good things to get there. It’s a place where I can focus on the negative and all that is wrong. The place where I can be gloomy and unhappy.
I have dealt with desolation on two different levels. For so long I lived in desolation with no hope of life ever being different. I really did not see a light at the end of the tunnel … I believed this was all there is, was, and ever would be.
At that time I was drinking. Alcohol is like a sponge that sucks all the hope out of your heart. It creates tunnel vision that allows you to have sight for one thing … hopeless desolation.
I finally got away from that pit of desolation and had a taste of hope again. I began to live with hope … desolation only creeping in … not residing. I was able to overcome those melancholy feelings before the desolation fully took up residence in the spot my hope was currently living.
I feel as if I’m slipping back into that hopeless desolation. It’s what we call a “dry drunk”. Someone who is no longer drinking, but might as well be. Their hope is gone just the same. How do we get our hope back? How do we plant hope once again, so that it will grow on desolate soil, eventually transforming that soil into something fruitful.
Jim McGuiggan says, in his book Celebrating the Wrath of God, “Agony and fear can swallow us up unless there’s something that lies deeper than our pain and panic. And for this pain-filled worshiper the deeper reality is the character and faithfulness of God as seen in Israel’s hymns, narratives, and liturgy. We need the biblical stories of God’s faithfulness to get us through the wilderness.”
“Wilderness people live on these stories … these memories.”
The Israelites had stories of hope. They told them to their children … they told them to each other. They had to keep the stories alive because the stories reminded them that there was hope. They made the stories into songs and chants … anything to help them remember.
Something good has to lie deeper than our pain. Our hope must be better rooted than our desolation. Aha … that’s it. I have to be rooted in hope. So rather than coddling this desolation … protecting it and nurturing it. I must coddle my HOPE … protect IT and nurture IT. I must not myself or anyone else destroy the hope that my Father will someday pull me onto His lap and gently whisper, “We did it sweetheart … we did it.”
Please tell me a story of hope …
I’ve hesitated to write because this is still such a struggle for me as well. The desolation/consolation roller coaster is very familiar to me. I think I do a pretty good job of hiding that fact from most people. I have long years of experience pretending everything is ok when it is not. To smile on the outside when I am feeling worthless and rotten on the inside.
Of course our hope comes from God. Of course we can find hope for our lives by reading the Bible and seeing how Noah, Abraham, Job, David, Mary etc dealt with life’s blows and came out being blessed by God. Our faith can grow and when faith grows, hope grows with it.
One thing that reminds me of how good God is to me is how He delivered me from the loveless, abusive marriage in which I found myself. I made the decisions that led me to that place. I made the mistakes and denied my very nature to be in that marriage. I was trapped and hopeless and broken and bruised. I was at the lowest point of my life, wishing that the ground would just swallow me up somehow. God crossed my path with Rex. It was such a “chance” meeting. We were both just doing our every day things and we happened to be in the same place at the same time.(you know that I know there was no “chance” to it…it was God all the way!) That sparked conversations that led to my opening up about how miserable and hopeless I felt. Which led to much study. Which led to my coming back Home to God. In that, God opened my eyes and then opened doors of opportunity. In a shorter time than I thought possible, I was free from my abusive marriage…into a house that my children consider home (a safe peaceful home)and accepted at a place where I could worship God and open my heart to others without fearing judgement. I honestly thought I would just live out my life miserable and lonely and trapped but God had better plans for me. Since He delivered me from that pit, I believe He has better plans for me still. I have hope that the rest of my days will be much more blessed than the beginning (and certainly more blessed than those days I spent in the pigpen!!)
Paige, your own life is a story of hope too. You have done so much good…come through so much…grown in faith and in your understanding of God. You give me hope…every single day.
IT IS SO FRUSTRATING TO BE ON SUCH A ROLLER COASTER, PRETENDING TO BE FINE WHILE ON THE INSIDE WE ARE FALLING APART. WHY DO WE FEEL LIKE WE HAVE TO HOLD IT IN? IT SEEMS LIKE I’VE LEARNED TO REALLY SHARE ABOUT MY PAST AND BE OPEN IN THAT REGARD. MY PRESENT IS AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT STORY.
YOURS IS A STORY OF HOPE. IT’S ONE THAT SHOWS WHAT GOD CAN DO WHEN WE LET HIM. ALMOST THE MOMENT YOU STARTED LETTING HIM BE IN CHARGE THINGS BEGAN TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. I’M SO GRATEFUL THAT HE HELD YOU SAFE UNTIL YOU COULD COME TO YOUR SENSES. HE KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN … YOUR NATURE DEMANDED IT.
THIS MORNING AS PEOPLE TALKED ABOUT THE GOOD THAT HAS COME FROM STORMS IN THEIR LIVES, I WAS REMINDED OF THE HOPE ALL AROUND ME. GOD HAS PROVIDED US WITH THE STORIES OF HOPE … BUT WE HAVE TO TELL THEM. WE CAN’T QUIT TALKING ABOUT IT. SOMETIMES I THINK IT’S OLD AND EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS THAT STORY … WELL IT’S THE STORY GOD GAVE ME AND I NEED TO SHARE IT.
THIS WEEK MARKS ONE OF THOSE UNPLEASANT DATES ON THE CALENDAR. BUT IT ALSO MARKS THE BEGINNING OF A STORY OF HOPE. THE POINT WHERE GOD OPENED A DOOR AND I CHOSE TO WALK THROUGH IT. IF I WILL JUST KEEP WALKING IN HIS DIRECTION … THE STORY WILL REMAIN ONE OF HOPE.
I really wanted to comment on this one because 1. I haven’t commented here in a while, but I almost always read it And 2. I like the idea of hope…even just the word sounds great. But in thinking about it I can’t think of stories of hope. I guess that means I’m in a constant state of desolation. Thats no good. I would say that I have brief periods of hope…not enough to make a story…but enough to keep me walking forward. If it wasn’t for those times I don’t know where I’d be.
This topic makes me think…makes me think that I’m hopeless. I’m going to keep trying to remember a time of hope…I’ll share it with you if it comes to me. Maybe its just one of those weeks where I can’t see through the muck.
YOU MADE MY POINT EXACTLY, WITHOUT EVEN REALLY KNOWING IT. YOU LOOK AT YOUR LIFE AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU MUST LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF DESOLATION BECAUSE YOU CAN’T MAKE A STORY OUT OF YOUR BRIEF PERIODS OF HOPE. AND YET YOU SAY THAT THOSE BRIEF PERIODS ARE ENOUGH TO KEEP YOU WALKING FORWARD, “If it wasn’t for those times I don’t know where I’d be. ”
THAT’S WHAT WILDERNESS PEOPLE HAVE TO DO. THEY HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO HOPE IN … THAT KEEPS THEM WALKING FORWARD. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A BIG GRAND STORY, BUT SHARING IT HELPS BUILD IT.
COULD YOU SHARE SOMETHING FROM ONE OF THOSE BRIEF PERIODS OF HOPE? IT CAN JUST BE A STATEMENT (DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A STORY) AND IT MAY NOT MEAN ANYTHING TO US … BUT IT BECOMES SPECIAL TO US BECUASE WE KNOW IT GIVES YOU HOPE.
THINK ABOUT IT.
I do like a challenge…so I thought of two things in recent weeks that made me feel hopeful.
First, a certain friend of mine (and yours) made it clear to me the other day that he will not give up on me, that he still believes I can do the right thing. That, at least temporarily, gave me a great swell of hope. Its so much easier to believe in myself when I know someone else believes in me too. I wish I could stay focused on that hopeful feeling better but it comes and goes like a wave.
Second…I have been going to counseling and I have to say most days when I leave there I am feeling like there is hope for me. Sometimes it only lasts an hour or two but its great when its within me.
One time, a few weeks ago, my counselor picked up a book from his shelf, opened it and put his hand in about the middle of the pages. He showed me the 1st half of the book and told me to look at it like the 1st half of my life…it began the day God created me and its written up to the very moment of time we were in. Those things are written and they can not be erased or edited. (sadly enough) But then he showed me the last half of the book and said these pages are blank and you will be writing them today, tomorrow, next, next year…until you die at the last page. Then he asked me “when you get back here to the end of your book and look back at the last half of, what do you want it to say…how do you want it to read?” That question was so very hard to answer…I could barely do it. Just allowing myself to think of those things I’d like to do was so hard…way harder than it should be. And just as soon as I began to speak those things that I wanted my brain was immediately shooting them down. It was…”I’d really like to do this…but that can never happen…thats not MY life” I want so bad to be able to write the high points into the second half of my book. I want to believe I can do those things, be that person, have that kind of character for more than a few seconds. Thats all it is right now…a few seconds that feel like distant dreams that can never come true for me. Those things dont seem like they are available in my life…no matter how much I want them. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but me.
Ok so…I wrote more than I did the first time…you shouldn’t ask me to elaborate, it could be dangerous!
Thanks for making me think!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. I REALLY WANTED YOU TO SHARE THOSE STORIES WITH US … AND I’M GLAD YOU DID. I LIKE THE BOOK ANALOGY. IT’S SO EASY TO GET TUNNEL VISION INTO THE LAND OF DESOLATION AND FORGET THAT THE ONLY PART OF OUR LIVES THAT’S FOR SURE GOING TO HAPPEN IS WHAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. THE REST IS STILL WIDE OPEN.
IT IS SOMETIMES HARD TO BELIEVE THAT THINGS CAN BE ANY DIFFERENT … BUT IT SURE MAKES A DIFFERENCE WHEN SOMEONE ELSE CAN BELIEVE IT FOR YOU. IT’S A START.
I’ve been out of town since shortly after you posted this one. If I had read this sooner, I would have done my best to comment sooner. You said, “I feel as if I’m slipping back into that hopeless desolation.”
I just wanted to say, “You aren’t!” We, the many, who care for you won’t permit it, okay? Okay then!
Did you watch Legends of the Fall? One scene in it was worth the time to watch the movie. Tristan is sitting at the dining table talking to his old stroke-affected father…this is at a point in the movie when so much of the story has already been told. Tristan has been tortured in his life by the wartime death of his youngest brother whose life had been entrusted to him by his father. He had been unable to prevent the death of the brother. It was at the point of mourning the death of his brother that he cursed God. Now…years of trouble later, he sits at the dining table with his father and asks about that time, “Did I damn myself and all those who love me?” The father becomes animated and responds with all the strength he can muster, “No! Ye are not damned! Ah won’t permit it!”
I loved the scene. Yes…I know fathers can’t prevent their sons from being condemned. But every father should feel like Tristan’s father felt. With every fiber in their being…with every bit of their heart…they are not willing to give up on their daughters and sons. This is right.
So…Paige…you are not slipping back into hopeless desolation. No! We will not permit it. You are too much loved. If you were my daughter you’d hear it from me every time we talked…and we would talk a lot.
But…and this is so very much better…so far above what I just wrote…you are beloved of God. And He certainly will not permit you to slip away and sink without a trace in despair. And He has not just the will to do that…but the power and the means (Cross) to prevent it.
This is my hope-bringing story. I was sinking deep in sin. My life was consumed by years of habitual sinning…many, many years of it. I didn’t think it could be better…didn’t think I could ever overcome it…didn’t know God had a way to stop me, lift me, change me. I would never have been willing to go the course God chose to get to me. But He didn’t leave the decision to me. He allowed me to pursue the path of my own selfish evil until life took a tragic turn for me. That which I most feared came upon me. It broke my heart and took away my love of the sinning I had given myself over to. And now for years I have been done with it. I’m not saying I’m done with all sinning…but I’m saying God did something in me that I thought was impossible. He made me better…helped me grow…showed me severe mercy. And I love Him for it. I believe now that He can do whatever it is we need. I have hope that He will complete what He has begun in me in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. And until that day comes, I will not quit.
Alright then…who’s with me?
I APPRECIATE YOUR HEART DOUG … WHEN I WROTE THIS … I REALLY DID FEEL THAT I WAS POSSIBLY SLIPPING INTO THAT PIT ONCE AGAIN. AMAZINGLY … AND I WISH I COULD PUT MY FINGER ON IT EXACTLY … GOD HAS BROUGHT ME OUT ONCE AGAIN. MY MOODS CAN GET SO DARK … AND THEN, MANY TIMES WITHOUT ME EVEN REALIZING IT … THINGS WILL BEGIN TO LIFT AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD BEEN SO HOPELESS JUST A SHORT TIME BEFORE. I NEED TO HAVE FAITH THAT JUST AS I’M SURE THE MOOD WILL COME AGAIN … IT WILL ALSO GO AWAY AGAIN.
I HAVE NOT SEEN LEGENDS OF THE FALL, BUT I LOVE THAT IDEA. I HAVE GROWN INTO THE IDEA THAT THERE ARE SOME AROUND ME THAT WILL NOT PERMIT ME TO FALL … AND I WANT TO HAVE CONFIDENCE THAT GOD FEELS THE SAME. I HAVE TO COUNT ON THOSE PROMISES.
YOU REALLY TOUCHED ME WITH THE “IF YOU WERE MY DAUGHTER” THOUGHT. I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAD … IT SEEMED SO IMPOSSIBLE THAT I QUIT TRYING FOR IT. GRATEFULLY I’VE FOUND IT IN OTHER “FATHERS” THROUGHOUT MY LIFE THAT ARE WILLING TO TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO HEAR. THANK YOU.
I ALSO WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY. YOUR STORY FILLED ME WITH HOPE WHEN YOU SAID THAT YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN WILLING TO GO THE COURSE GOD CHOSE … BUT … HE DID THE IMPOSSIBLE IN YOUR LIFE. HE SHOWED YOU “SEVERE MERCY” AND IS WORKING TO COMPLETE HIS WORK IN YOU. YOUR STORY SHOWS ME WHAT GOD CAN DO … WILL DO … EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOT WILLING TO GO ALONG WITH IT. HE LOVES US ENOUGH TO GO AGAINST, AND EVEN BREAK OUR WILL … SO THAT HIS CAN BE DONE.