Wow … it’s only the second day and I left today, in tears. However, I truly believe that today a little girl gave me a gift … a purpose … and quite a challenge.
I’ve cried before (never in front of students) (well, once in front of students). It is usually because I’ve gotten my feelings hurt, the boys are being jerks, or I’m just fed up with my apathy and theirs. I can’t remember a time in my life when I truly cried for a child the way I did today.
We have started practicing inclusion. In spite of much positive research I still have my hang ups with this method. Call me a pessimist or whatever, but I believe some students are only harmed by being in the general ed classroom. Today proved me right … but I wish it had never happened.
The new curriculum that the gen. ed classes are using is very rigorous and runs on a tight schedule. The teachers have been told to teach it and move on … stay on schedule. One of my groups of kids is in an 8th period regular ed 6th grade class. I know for a fact that two students can barely read. One of them doesn’t even know the sounds of all the letters.
So put yourself in her shoes for a moment. You can’t read, you know most letters, and maybe some letter sounds. Your task is to fill in a sheet that is asking questions like: How old were you when you learned to read? What is the first book you read all by yourself? What do you read for fun? What does your family read around the house? You get the idea. How in the world is she supposed to answer these? Well, as can be expected, she got frustrated to the point of tears.
I took her out in the hall while the gen. ed teacher kept teaching. She went to the bathroom to get herself together and then I tried to talk to her. I couldn’t get her to say much, so I told her to let me know when she could talk about what was frustrating her and we could try to come up with a solution. About 10 minutes after going back into class, she walked up and said she was ready to tell me. We went in the hall. She took a deep breath, and with some hesitancy she said, “I need someone to teach me to read.” I am fortunate that I held it together as long as I did. I talked to her a little, tried to encourage, and promised her I would teach her to read this year. I wish I had never said promise … but I did. So as I cried … and continue to cry off and on … I see a challenge before me. Not just for her … but for all of them.
Her words planted in my heart a purpose. As a teacher it’s a purpose I should have always had … and did to some degree. But I don’t think I’ve ever cried over the education of a student. I have a promise to keep and I ask that you please pray that God gives me the ability to help this little girl. I want her to be able to look me in the eye, with tears of joy next time, and say, “I can read.”
August 26th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Oh Paige, that brought a tear to my eyes, but I know in my heart of hearts that you can help her. Your an awesome person. And I know that by the end of the year she will be reading. And she will always remember you for that. You are going to make such an impact on this girl and it will be for the rest of her life. Thank God for people like you Miss Paige. I am so glad that I can call you friend. Love Ya Paige
Cyndi thanks for the encouragement. I feel inadequate because I’ve not ever taught a child to read. But, like you said … the impact will be lifelong … for both of us. We all want to be able to know we’ve made a difference for someone. This is an opportunity to do that … keep the prayers coming.
August 30th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I know this little girl touched your heart in a big way. You have a unique ability to be able to teach the kids that you have. It is a gift…one that pulls you into tough places sometimes! This little girl has entrusted you with a big thing…monumentally challenging to her (and now to you). I know you will do your best to help her. The two of you will travel a rough path, but I bet you make some good progress down that path with her.
Praying for you…as always….
S
Thanks for the prayers. We have still not been able to do much with that class. It is just too hard for them. Needless to say, she has cried almost everyday. I keep telling her to trust me … we are trying. I get so tired of all the “rules” that can keep us from doing what’s best. What’s ideal and what is realistic are sometimes on two completely different sides of the spectrum. It’s hard for me to understand why some children get put into such difficult situations that they don’t choose … it is sad.