What do you say to a child whose IQ and short term memory will probably prohibit her from learning much more than she already knows?
What do you say since her IQ doesn’t prevent her from knowing that she will probably never learn much more than she already knows?
I’m really struggling with this. We are going to do all we can to help her learn every single thing that she can. But how do we alleviate the frustration this deficit still brings to such an innocent child?
Is it better to tell her the “honest truth” so that she doesn’t get frustrated over things she is not capable of doing? Or do we force her through the frustration by pushing her to do things she is not capable of doing? In 11 years I’ve never faced this dilemma. I’ve never seen a child with such a desire to learn, that actually recognized the inability. I believe she thinks I can do something magical that will change her life. What I feel I can change is her attitude … I just haven’t figured out how. I need to know how to help her celebrate who she is … what she can do … the sensitivity of her heart … the love of family and friends.
I have a friend whose life was changed because her second grade teacher told her that Jesus would always listen. That was a long time ago … in a world that didn’t want to take God out of everything. Do I try to pass on this same gift to her knowing there could be some negative repercussions?
As I watched her cry in two different classes today I just kept asking myself .. “What do you say?”
October 1st, 2010 at 11:43 pm
You know Paige, I don’t think what we have experienced is the same thing, but as I read your post I thought of my Matthew. We knew from the time he started kindergarten that there was a disconnect. We just didn’t have a name for it. Then, when we finally received the results of the testing we were conflicted regarding how to tell him. So I sat him down and explained his learning difference. I said “This doesn’t mean you are dumb. It doesn’t mean you can not learn. It just means you will do it differently.” Well Matthew is my crier and the tears started flowing. And when Matthew cries I cry. Half way through our sobs I finally lifted his head and asked him why he was crying. He replied “I knew there was a reason I couldn’t learn my multiplication facts.” There are SO many things he struggles with, I would have never listed multiplication facts first, but it was the thing that was in front of him at the time. He recognized he was struggling he just didn’t know why. I don’t know if this long story adds anything to your questions about your sweet friend, but I have never regretted telling him. Now, he knows he’s different, and that is okay. He’s learning to take things as they come. And he’s learning that it’s okay to say “I just don’t get it.” I pray you can find a way to be the hands and feet of Jesus to this precious child.
ELAINE I REMEMBER HOW HAPPY YOU BOTH WERE TO KNOW WHAT WAS WRONG. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T WANT SOMETHING TO ACTUALLY BE WRONG, TO HAVE A DIAGNOSIS MEANS YOU ALSO HAVE A “CURE”. IT’S LIKE GOING TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE YOU FEEL TERRIBLE AND THEY KEEP TELLING YOU NOTHING IS WRONG. I’M SO GLAD THAT HE WAS ABLE TO SEE THE GIFT IN THAT. IT HAD TO RELIEVE HIS FRUSTRATION TO KNOW THERE WAS A REASON HE STRUGGLED.
WE ARE TRYING TO TAKE THAT APPROACH WITH THIS CHILD. IN WHAT EVER WAY WE CAN WE WANT TO RELIEVE HER FRUSTRATION … AND GIVE HER HOPE.
I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENT ELAINE. IT REMINDS ME OF HOW CHILDREN SEE THINGS. I’M SO PROUD OF MATTHEW AND ALL OF HIS HARD WORK.
October 7th, 2010 at 10:25 am
I cannot imagine how difficult it is to be in the situation you are in with this girl. Nor can I imagine how frustrated she must feel. I guess that trying to find out how to help her learn is going to be a lot of trial and error…like solving a puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and you have to find the right placement for each piece to make it all click into place.
I am glad (and not surprised) that you want her to learn to celebrate the good that is in her. You can help her do that. You have that heart.
I bug God often…asking Him to make a smooth path in front of you and your students. Asking Him to help you find the way to help your students. Keep at it Paige…you are good for these kids.
THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS AND THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE. I HAVE BEEN STRESSED THIS WEEK AND HAVE NOT REACTED WELL TO SOME OF MY STUDENTS. WE ARE TOLD NEVER TO USE SARCASM … AND SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NEVER MOCK THEM … OOPS. I GUESS I NEED TO AMEND THAT BEHAVIOR.
MY LITTLE GIRL GOT A SCHEDULE CHANGE SO SHE ISN’T IN THE SUPER FRUSTRATING CLASSES – JUST THE SLIGHTLY FRUSTRATING ONES. KEEP THE PRAYERS COMING FOR HER HEART … THAT IT WILL PULL HER THROUGH THOSE REALLY ROUGH MOMENTS.
October 28th, 2010 at 4:02 pm
I am blessed to read your heart for this child. Not surprised…just blessed. What Elaine wrote was so good and helpful. And what Sherry wrote…well…I just agree one hundred percent. As I read your words that you kept asking yourself what to say to this child, I thought…it won’t be so much the words you say to her as it is the heart you have for her. God brought you into her life because that’s what she needed most. And…while I don’t know all the possible repercussions of letting her know that Jesus always listens, I’m in favor of doing just that. I have a granddaughter who is about to turn six. She is in Kindergarten now. She was born with something called Kabuki syndrome. Some level of learning disability is part of the syndrome. But she is so loved, nourished and cherished by her mother and father that she just keeps breaking through potential barriers, establishing new highs and surprising all of us with joy over her growth in every way. With your love walking beside this precious child, who can tell what God may do? I’m praying for her angel to be on high alert watching over her heart. God bless you, Paige, with all kinds of wisdom and insights for her welfare.
THANKS DOUG. THE PRAYER FOR INSIGHT AND WISDOM IS MUCH NEEDED. THIS CHILD HASN’T CRIED IN WEEKS. THIS SEEMS TO BE A GOOD THING … BUT SADLY IT’S STARTING TO TURN INTO ANGER. WHEN WE TRY TO HELP HER SHE GETS MAD AND LASHES OUT AT US. I KNOW SHE IS FRUSTRATED AND PROBABLY FULL OF ALL THE SADNESS SHE CAN TAKE. ONE THING I KNOW … MY ASSISTANT AND I WILL HELP HER ANY WAY WE CAN … ANY WAY SHE WILL LET US. I PRAY YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER FINDS THAT SAME SUPPORT EVERYWHERE SHE GOES.