This is a giant block of whatever is most difficult for you to carry

& trust me on this,

you’ll carry it more times than you can count

until you decide that’s exactly what you want to do most

& then it won’t weigh a thing anymore.

(From Story of the Day)

When someone first starts a recovery program they usually ask, “How long do I have to go to these meetings?” If they’re talking to someone with wisdom their answer will be, “Until you want to.”

I heard someone say he had woken up and didn’t want to come to church … so he knew he should come.

I like this little story because it reminds me that something I don’t want to do will seem like a burden … so why not decide to like it … and make the load a little lighter?

(If only it were as simple as that.)

One of the writers of the Hokey-Pokey died the other day. I heard a man on the radio say that it made him sad. He said, “It’s not like I knew him or anything, but it seems sad that the one guy that knew what it was all about is gone.” This made me smile … pretty clever I thought.

I immediately thought of Jesus … and that He really does know what it’s all about. Which led to the thought of the disciples. When Jesus died did they have the feeling that the one person that knew what it was all about, was gone?

Sometimes I feel as if I have no destination. It just seems like I get up each morning and do what needs to be done. The only thing that keeps me looking forward are the dates on the calendar that remind me I have to do this by that date.

I know that I am blessed and that I have many reasons to be grateful. I have every reason to wake up each morning and shout praises to God. But I don’t. I believe I’ve been shown what it’s all about. So why don’t I live differently because of that knowledge?

How do I go to work and feel like the task is hopeless … when I have the chance each day to make a child feel good? I think it’s selfish to live the way I live. I can become isolated and self-absorbed.

I worship in a place that shows me each week that God is still working in people’s lives … that He is still showing us what it is all about. I heard once that “the essence of life is you and God.”
That’s what it all comes down to … I have to remember that He’s all that matters.

When I feel frustrated at my job … I need to remember to show those kids Jesus.

When I get caught up in agendas and due dates … I need to remember that each day is another chance for me to tell someone about the hope that He offers.

And when I don’t really know what my days are leading to … I need to remember that He’s got the whole world in His hands … even the little part that I occupy.

So if you ever feel like you’re just going through the motions without a set destination … remember that the One who really does know what it’s all about made you, loves you, and looks forward to hearing from you everyday. Whether anyone else does or not.

I’ve been quite distracted lately.

I began teaching again in August and it has been good … but very challenging. I am frustrated almost daily by the lack of respect that my children exhibit to each other and to me. I’m constantly asking myself if there’s something I can do differently or if they are going to choose to be this way no matter what. We’ve been off for the holiday and so I’m going to try and go back tomorrow with a new state of mind … a new attitude. Please pray for this.

I’m taking classes trying to finish up my Master’s and get my Diagnostician certificate. It’s challenging and takes up quite a bit of my time. I tend to work a lot and get ahead and then I get burnt out. So far though, it is going okay.

I attempted the 50,000 words in November challenge again this year. I didn’t put it on my blog like last year, because I really wasn’t sure where I was going with it. It was more difficult than last year, because I wasn’t just telling stories about my life. So I hit the 50,000 mark and completed the challenge, but will have to do some polishing before I’m ready for anyone to see it.

I miss writing and I miss the few of you that stop by to comment. I’m having a difficult time coming up with things to write about … holding on to a thought long enough to capture it and type it, has been a challenge. But I wanted to at least let everyone know that I’ve not given up and I want to continue writing.

Again, I ask for your prayers to do better with my students and to finish up this first part of the year strong. I want December to be good. It’s easy to just waste it, but I don’t want to do that.

Let me know if there’s anything I can pray for in your regard. I do care and do want to know.

I like the radio version of this better, but at least you can get an idea of how it sounds.

The Words I Would Say

Does anyone know who came up with this phrase?

 ”Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Does anyone agree with me that they were crazy? Words do hurt … words that are spoken … words that are not spoken … they hurt.

I need to be careful with my words …

It’s the action, not the fruit of the action, that’s important …

It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there’ll be any fruit. But that doesn’t mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.  -Mohandas Gandhi

In any moment of decision
the best thing you can do is the right thing,
the next best thing is the wrong thing,
and the worst thing you can do
is nothing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Many times I feel internally paralyzed. On the outside I’m moving about doing what needs to be done.  But on the inside … I’m completely stuck … paralyzed. Sometimes the paralysis comes from fear … other times it’s simply uncertainty. I am not positive about much of anything and so I don’t move forward. I do nothing.

When someone is having a hard time, and I don’t know what to say … I say nothing. But I don’t just say nothing … I also avoid the person so that there isn’t even an opportunity to say anything. This not only doesn’t help … but it has great potential to harm.

I have to get passeed this paralysis. I have to speak … I have to act. I must risk doing the wrong thing when the right thing isn’t obvious … but I must do something.

I may or may not see the results of my actions … but I must act.

I may or may not feel good … but I can do good.

It is enough to be like Jesus … so why not start there?

^{Nehemiah 9 ...7} “You are the LORD God, who chose Abram and brought him out of Ur of the Chaldeans and named him Abraham. ⁸ You found his heart faithful to you, and you made a covenant with him to giveto his descendants the land of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Jebusites and Girgashites. You have kept your promise because you are righteous.

 ⁹ “You saw the suffering of our forefathers in Egypt; you heard their cry at the Red Sea. ^{[b] 10} You sent miraculous signs and wonders against Pharaoh, against all his officials and all the people of his land, for you knew how arrogantly the Egyptians treated them. You made a name for yourself, which remains to this day. ¹¹ You divided the sea before them, so that they passed through it on dry ground, but you hurled their pursuers into the depths, like a stone into mighty waters. ¹² By day you led them with a pillar of cloud, and by night with a pillar of fire to give them light on the way they were to take.

 ¹³ “You came down on Mount Sinai; you spoke to them from heaven. You gave them regulations and laws that are just and right, and decrees and commands that are good. ¹⁴ You made known to them your holy Sabbath and gave them commands, decrees and laws through your servant Moses. ¹⁵ In their hunger you gave them bread from heaven and in their thirst you brought them water from the rock; you told them to go in and take possession of the land you had sworn with uplifted hand to give them.

 ¹⁶ “But they, our forefathers, became arrogant and stiff-necked, and did not obey your commands. ¹⁷ They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles you performed among them. They became stiff-necked and in their rebellion appointed a leader in order to return to their slavery. But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them, ¹⁸ even when they cast for themselves an image of a calf and said, ‘This is your god, who brought you up out of Egypt,’ or when they committed awful blasphemies.

 ¹⁹ “Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the desert. By day the pillar of cloud did not cease to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night to shine on the way they were to take. ²⁰ You gave your good Spirit to instruct them. You did not withhold your manna from their mouths, and you gave them water for their thirst. ²¹ For forty years you sustained them in the desert; they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.

 ²²“You gave them kingdoms and nations, allotting to them even the remotest frontiers. They took over the country of Sihon king of Heshbon and the country of Og king of Bashan. ²³ You made their sons as numerous as the stars in the sky, and you brought them into the land that you told their fathers to enter and possess. ²⁴ Their sons went in and took possession of the land. You subdued before them the Canaanites, who lived in the land; you handed the Canaanites over to them, along with their kings and the peoples of the land, to deal with them as they pleased. ²⁵They captured fortified cities and fertile land; they took possession of houses filled with all kinds of good things, wells already dug, vineyards, olive groves and fruit trees in abundance. They ate to the full and were well-nourished; they reveled in your great goodness.

 ²⁶ “But they were disobedient and rebelled against you; they put your law behind their backs. They killed your prophets, who had admonished them in order to turn them back to you; they committed awful blasphemies. ²⁷ So you handed them over to their enemies, who oppressed them. But when they were oppressed they cried out to you. From heaven you heard them, and in your great compassion you gave them deliverers, who rescued them from the hand of their enemies.

 ²⁸ “But as soon as they were at rest, they again did what was evil in your sight. Then you abandoned them to the hand of their enemies so that they ruled over them. And when they cried out to you again, you heard from heaven, and in your compassion you delivered them time after time.

I know this is a long passage, but it says so much. It says so much about us and God, and the relationship He seeks to have with us.

I look at the verbs of God … chose, brought, named, found, made, give, kept, saw, heard, sent, knew, divided, hurled, led, came, spoke, brought, told.

And then I look at the response of those He was doing things for … they were arrogant, stiff-necked, refused to listen, failed to remember, and longed to return to their slavery.

BUT God … the words in red are filled with hope. He is faithful when we are not, He is forgiving and compassionate when we least deserve it. He sustained them for 40 years as they complained and complained. After all those red letters of hope …

They responded with disobedience and rebellion, lawlessness and murder … even blasphemy.

BUT they cried out … and He heard them. As if He had been listening all along … listening hard for the first cry.

The line that troubles me the most: But as soon as they were at rest … I wish that were followed with something like “they realized their wrong and humbly turned to God, never to turn away again.” But that ’s not what it says. Yet, He continues to rescue when one of His children cries out. Time after time.

I hope that I never again experience the rest of God and then turn my back on Him … but I fear that I may. I hope that I never again put His law behind my back … but I fear that I may. I hope that I avoid disobedience and rebelliousness … but it’s not likely. Shamefully, my track record follows that of the Israelites … turn to Him, rest, turn from Him, cry out, turn to Him, rest.

I put my hope in His track record … I cry, He hears, He rescues, He holds, He gives me rest, He delivers with compassion … time after time.

Over the past two weeks I have been bombarded with people telling me to plan, plan, plan. Planning is everything. Planning will prevent behavior problems. Planning is key. I had just about had my fill of recommendations on planning when I heard something different. Something that struck me … and has been on my mind ever since.

A woman was telling a story about her daughter who runs cross country. Her daughter has been used to running the same course for several years but this year they got a new coach. The coach, being unfamiliar with the town, basically had the runners start running and meet her at the corner. She then, drove in her car, going from corner to corner until her odometer showed the required mileage. When the girl was telling her mom about it she said, “It was really hard to run when I couldn’t see the end in my head.”

Visualization is a strategy that is used in all arenas. Athletes visualize themselves winning a match, pianists visualize themselves playing the piece perfectly. What do Christians do? Do we ever visualize ourselves heading Home with Jesus by our side … do we visualize the day that we won’t have to worry anymore … the day that we will be called home to rest … for eternity?

From that story, the woman taught me to plan my lessons with the end in mind … and to let my students know what that end looks like. All week I’ve been thinking of that phrase, “plan with the end in mind”. Although I do dream of Home often … I don’t know that I plan with It in mind. I need to do that … I need to plan with the End in mind. That sweet End that has been promised to all that choose it will be worth the wait … worth the trudging … worth the pain.

Will my life be lived differently if I live with the End in mind? Possibly. It depends how I’m living now. I think for me, it’s hard to picture that Home because it will be so different than what we have now. So maybe I need to study. Maybe I need to figure out more about that Home so that it becomes a real place that I can hope for … that I can visualize.

What does that Home look like to you?

Yesterday I read that it was National Frozen Custard Day. I didn’t participate and today was feeling like I needed to make up for that. So I headed to my absolute favorite frozen custard place … Sheridan’s. I usually order ET’s Charming Cheesecake with a hot fudge add-in. Wow … it’s really good. It is not healthy in any way, shape or form … which is why it tastes so amazing.

My point is not really to get you salivating over frozen custard … although if that’s not happening by now, I want to know how you have such self-control. My point is this …

When the woman’s voice came over the speaker she said, “Welcome to Sheridan’s, how can I make you smile today?” Just the fact that she asked that, made me smile. After I told her that she could put a big smile on my face by giving me an ET’s Charming Cheesecake, I had to wait in line for a few minutes. As I waited I thought about her question.

When I was married I remember telling my husband that I wished that once in a while he would ask if I needed anything. I had suggested at one time that he make lists so that he could keep track of things he needed to do  … I was shocked when he put me on his list. He literally wrote, “Ask if she needs anything.”

A complete stranger asked me how she could make me smile and it made me feel good. On any other day it probably wouldn’t have been a second thought, but today, it struck me. It reminded me that I don’t always pay attention to how my action or inaction might impact someone else. When I do things I’m not usually trying to make someone else smile, I’m usually looking to my own pleasure or benefit. So imagine, if I actually sought smiles. If I went about my day paying attention to how I make others feel.

How could I make you smile today? Is there anything you did to make someone else smile … or anything someone did to make you smile? Would it be possible for you to list as many things as you can that made you smile today?

This last week I had a once in a lifetime experience. At least I hope it only happens once in my life …

I went to a place called Spirit Ranch. It’s a place that helps with team building. The school I’m working with paid for the entire staff to go. I had a horrible attitude and had no interest in attending. I knew that it would involve challenging myself both physically and emotionally and I just didn’t have the energy.

As I walked in I saw an old friend from college. I had forgotten that he worked there. Seeing him actually helped me catch my breath a little and helped me change my attitude. I decided to choose to be challenged and I chose to try and get to know the people I will be working with.

My friend did an opening speech and talked about a trip that he recently took to Africa. He described rafting down the Nile River and the difficulties that he faced. His instructor told him: “When you fall into the water you are going to have to hold your breath. Until you come up long enough to actually breathe out you will have to continue to hold your breath. You cannot take a breath upon a breath. You must first breathe out … only then can you breathe in.”

At the Open we talk a lot about breathing. We talk about breathing out so that you can breathe in. As much as we’ve talked about it I never really grasped the main concept … you cannot take a breath upon a breath.

When I moved back from Illinois I found a teaching job. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was a job. I ended up quitting at the end of the year and then I got another teaching job. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was a job. I made it until January and then I quit. I was suffocating … I couldn’t breathe.

After taking a break from teaching for about a year and a half I realize I was trying to take a breath upon a breath. I got divorced, quit my job, had to have my dog put down, moved to a place I said I’d never move, and then jumped right into a new life. I never took time to really breathe out. So many things changed … and so quickly … that I felt okay, but I really wasn’t. I was not breathing.

Thankfully God provides places for us to completely breathe out so that we can breathe in and keep going. He has done that through a “church”, a job, a blog, and especially through some people. I can see now what it took for Him to provide what I needed and only in hindsight can I see that He had a plan all along.

Thanks God … for providing me with breath. The breath of life that You gave through Your Son, the breath that you give me when I see a friend, and the deep, deep breath that You give me when I look to You for the answers … instead of trying on my own to take a breath upon a breath.